Anxiety: The Super Worrier
We have all heard the word anxiety many times, but few know the impact it can have on a person’s life. I am one of those 40 million Americans that struggle with an anxiety disorder. I am very open about my own struggle and I also understand the power of having someone in the room who understands what you are going through. How I define anxiety to folks is that your flight or fight response is not wired correctly. This is the system that tells you that a lion is chasing you, be afraid, run you are in danger. Folks with anxiety have a system that sets off false alarms. For example, you are presenting information at a meeting and your heart is racing, your palms are sweaty, and your alarm system is telling you that this is a scary event. Presenting info will not kill you and you do not need to run away from it. Get where I am going with this…
This blog is to help educate you on what anxiety is, techniques you can try, and ways you can support a loved one with anxiety.
What is anxiety according to the DSM V (taken directly from DSM):
A. Excessive anxiety and worry (apprehensive expectation), occurring more days than not for at least 6 months, about a number of events or activities (such as work or school performance).
B. The individual finds it difficult to control the worry.
C. The anxiety and worry are associated with three (or more) of the following six symptoms (with at least some symptoms having been present for more days than not for the past 6 months): Note: Only one item required in children. 1. Restlessness, feeling keyed up or on edge. 2. Being easily fatigued. 3. Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank. 4. Irritability. 5. Muscle tension. 6. Sleep disturbance (difficulty falling or staying asleep, or restless, unsatisfying sleep).
D. The anxiety, worry, or physical symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
I did not share this with you to diagnose yourself but to give you an idea of what we are talking about. So, what does it look like when symptoms manifest?
Anxiety shows up at awful times such as when it is late at night and all the worries about the future or even the past shows up to party. Your mind races about past events or even long-term future goals. I call this the hamster in the wheel.
It can feel like a weight on your chest or a sinking feeling in your stomach when you are on your way to work, sitting in a meeting, or even sitting around just drinking your coffee.
It’s the ability to turn any situation (or most) into the worse possible scenario. For example, every time your boss wants to talk to you is the day you are getting fired for no reason.
It’s the fear that holds you back from doing the things you want to do like trying to make a new friend, not going to the gym because everyone is watching you, sharing your feelings for fear that everyone will hate you, or not speaking up in a meeting because everyone will think you are stupid.
It’s the inability to sit still because you feel restless or it can even be your inability to move because you are so exhausted by carrying your worries all day.
It is that random wave of fear that comes over you that you can’t understand because you were fine a minute ago.
Its what makes you freak out if you do not get an A on a test or reach an achievement because you are afraid you will not be good enough or even worse everyone finding out you are a fraud.
You struggle to relax. Period.
Techniques that can help you.
1. Cut Caffeine & Sugar: I know you are not going to like this but if you have anxiety you are sensitive to these things. This doesn’t mean that you must miss out on your morning coffee but you should not be drinking or eating items that contain large amounts of these substances. Caffeine can stimulate your fight or flight response (the alarm system) and sugar prevents your body’s ability to manage stress and anxiety. They are getting in the way. Keep your caffeine to one cup of coffee or tea early in your day. If you are trying to figure out how many energy drinks that is equal to, just stop. Cut out the energy drinks they are full of garbage and they are probably causing your more problems then not. It will also save you money.
2. Exercise: If you have anxiety you are sitting on a mountain of excess energy at times. You need a place to burn it off or it will literally pile up and could turn into a panic attack. Feel free to go to the gym or take a walk. Do something to get your heart rate up (if allowed and recommended by your physician). I bet your dog would love a good walk.
3. Yoga: Yes, this can go in the exercise category, but it needs to be separated because yoga has so many benefits, including teaching breathing and relaxation. Yoga reduces risks of heart disease, pain, increases range of motion, reduces anxiety and has benefits for depression. I recommend trying yoga to all my clients with anxiety. There are several videos on YouTube that have free yoga sessions. I have my favorites listed on the resource page on this website. Feel free to check them out.
4. Answer the What Ifs: Literally just answer the questions.
Example: “What if, I get fired?” ok What if, answer it. You will have to find another job and that can be tough. You may have to ask for help from family or your spouse. You are qualified in your field so it shouldn’t be too difficult, but you can put your resume up on websites and maybe reach out to former colleagues for recommendations. You can find another job and you have done it before.
“What if, my child gets the flu?” Answer it. It will probably be awful, and it could cause your other children to get sick. Its going to possibly be a tough two weeks and if they seem like they are not getting better you can take them to the doctor. Everyone will eventually feel better.
Quick Exercise: Get a sheet of paper, pen, and the timer on your phone. Fold your paper in half. Label one half of your page “What If’s” and the other “Answers”. Set the timer for 1 minute. Take 1 minute to write down all the what if’s that are currently running through your head or that you feel you think about a lot. When the timer goes off, I want you to write your answers to your questions. Fill this side of real-world possibilities. Work your way through each suggestion till you feel you have exhausted the result.
5. 5,4,3,2,1 Grounding Technique: You can do this at a red light, in class, in a meeting, in the bathroom, sitting around watching tv, etc. If you find your mind is racing and you are struggling to calm down give this a try.
Stop what you are doing and take a deep slow breath. In detail, to yourself or out loud identify
5 things you can see
4 things you can feel
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 Rational thought, for example: “I cannot make traffic go faster, I do not like being late, but I will be ok”.
Finish this series off with another deep breath.
6. Mindfulness Techniques: People I know you say you do not have time, but they work. They really do help you to learn how to relax, how to rewire your alarm system, and how to calm down. I recommend a few things that I have on my resource page. Check out the video for 3-minute-deep breathing technique, guided mediation, and progressive muscle relaxation. You will also want to practice these when you are not already panicking. These are prevention tools to pick up so that when you are anxious you can implement the skills you learned through these practices. Try these at work, on your lunch break, before you walk through the door of your home, and the progressive muscle relaxation is great to use before bedtime to get you and your body in a state of relaxation.
7. Stop fighting it: I know you hate having anxiety but the inner turmoil you are causing yourself by stuffing it down is actually making it worse. Anxiety isn’t always terrible. Many people with anxiety can be great planners, they are high achievers, and they tend to get shit done. I tell folks this and myself “use your powers for good not evil”. Taking control of your anxiety and planning an incredible vacation with your family is a great use of all this excess energy. However, having it control your fear of getting bit by a shark in the ocean is not so great. Use coping skills to reign in the bad stuff and allow yourself the joy of the good stuff….. accomplishing that to do list.
How to support your loved one with anxiety?
1. Stop telling them to relax. Trust me if they could relax, they would. I promise you they have already tried it and they are tired of hearing it. Ask them what can be done in the moment to help them calm down or get them to a more relaxed state. “I can see you are struggling right now, what can we do to help you feel better or more relaxed?”
2. Do not dismiss their worries no matter how irrational they may seem. Instead ask them why they are thinking the way they are and help them to get to a rational state of mind. “Wow that is a really scary thought, is that something that could really happen? How would that happen? Why don’t we try to answer what could really occur if (insert bad event) did happen?”
3. Support them in their coping skills. “Hey, I remember your therapist suggested that you try progressive muscle relaxation to help you get to sleep. Why don’t we put a video on, and we can both try it together?”
4. Ask them for what they need and be willing to give it a try. If someone is asking for space, then be willing to walk away in that moment. If someone is asking you for something you cannot give, try to help them negotiate an alternative.
5. Refer them or support them in therapy. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to let them know they may need to see a therapist. Also, you do not want to put them down or make fun of them for seeing a therapist.
6. Stop calling them Crazy. This term is used as a weapon for many folks with mental health issues and guess what, its cruel. Sometimes the biggest fear that holds folks back from seeking help is finding out that they are in fact crazy. I have found in my years in this field is that crazy people are the ones who are putting the people they love down for taking care of themselves. That is crazy to me.
For more tools and information regarding anxiety and all the videos visit my additional resources by scrolling down this page and clicking the link. Feel free to share this blog or even reach out for a session.